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There is such a thing as good schlock exploitation when it comes to cruddy movies -- but this cruddy movie from producer David Heavener doesn't have any of it. Only incredibly bad schlock exploitation. And a thoroughly incompetent performance delivered by Jan-Michael Vincent.
All this and Heavener too?
This creativeless nonthriller in the tradition of CAVEMAN and CAVEGIRL, which doesn't even reveal a single pair of bare titties or one well-rounded behind, was premiered to a dozing U.S. public one recent Friday night on the USA Network in a teaming with another mind-boggling enterprise, DINOSAUR VALLEY GIRLS, which unfortunately you will also find reviewed in this compendium of reviews.
Vincent, in the nader of his career, portrays a village sage on some farflung planet in the Universe where two U.S. astronauts (Jonathan Vaken and Jim Phillips) have arrived aboard their Hercules I spaceship after going through a Black Hole.
These colorless spacemen, victims of the traditional Time-Continuum displacement, karate chop their way clumsily through several poorly staged, unconvincing fights with "sineps" (dumb men in animal skins), demonstrate chauvinistically to a tribe of beautiful women (also in animal skins, bikini style) how to make love, and stand around yattering about nothing important to the future of mankind.
You'd think writer-director John Pieplow, in an effort to make JURASSIC WOMEN vaguely resemble a prehistoric melodrama, would have thrown in a low-budget rampaging dinosaur or one cheap, sleazeball special effect of some kind, but he didn't. Maybe Heavener didn't give him a budget. It sure looks that way.
Some of this nonmovie was (mis)shot in Mexico, no doubt to save even more bucks. C.C. Pulitzer (no prize for this actor), Lisa Nelson, Kama Lee, Chanel Sausedo, Jader Harris, Crystal Green. Heavener help us.